


let us divert then reconnect and REVILE

by Tobi_Black



Series: Let Us 'verse [14]
Category: Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003) - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Clone Rebellion, Anakin Skywalker Hates Sand, Artoo Hates Sand, Artoo Swears A Lot, Gen, Obi-Wan Kenobi Is Long-Suffering, Obi-Wan Went Looking For Chewbacca In That Cantina, Post-Order 66
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 19:00:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15669303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tobi_Black/pseuds/Tobi_Black
Summary: R2-D2 was a cantankerous old droid, and the one thing in the universe he hated more than the Empire was SAND.





	let us divert then reconnect and REVILE

**Author's Note:**

> Between let us grow to surpass our parents and let us steal a better end.

The suns were rising and R2-D2 was already cussing how the heat from them at mid-morning was making his circuits cackle and his fans to work double-time to keep his more delicate components cool and his filters struggling to keep the errant sand **out**.

_I kriffing hate sand. It’s fekking coarse and rough and karking irritating! AND IT KRIFFING GETS FEKKING EVERYWHERE!!_

Obi-Wan side-eyed him with a long-suffering look in his eyes for saying such a thing.

R2 cackled at that, amused because Anakin had gone on _many_ rants about sand any time they got anywhere _near_ it. Let alone when they’d been on some sort of desert planet and sand had been everywhere the eye could see.

He’d hated it then, because sand really did get everywhere, but Anakin had always made sure to get it out of every crevice so listening was a minor pay-off for getting the sand out.

Obi-Wan however, had to listen to every single rant the other hume had made and been subjected to the core central theme: _I really don’t like sand, and am going to let everyone know loudly and continuously_ ; so **many** times.

There was even a little bit of life leaving the man’s eyes now as he beeped out complaints about that ugly bastard, the sand clogging his wheel tracks, the sand filling his filters, a different ugly sonovabitch, the sand scratching his dome, the sand floating in the air and landing on his sensors, another bastard, _more sand_.

He cackled at the flush of color on Luke’s cheeks, even as the boy looked quickly around, but no one was paying them attention.

Which may be entirely how Obi-Wan had looked askance to an unseen force before quickly catching eyes and muttering with a small hand-wave, “ _There is nothing to see here. Move on._ ”

R2 didn’t stop insulting most nearly everyone they passed.

He screamed and started chasing after one particular bastard though that he remembered from the first time he’d been here on this cursed planet, seeing how he eyed Luke like he’d eyed Anakin because both had that same damn-pretty set of features.

Obi-Wan didn’t stop him until the hume was out of sight, giving his own nasty look after the man, “Artoo.”

Luke was flustered, a flush high on his cheeks because he’d used every single insult he’d known and all the Huttese ones twice to yell at the man while waving his shock-stick, “Why is Artoo so angry at him?”.

Obi-Wan continued to stare after him with a half-lidded look, hand at his waist, looking very threatening to anyone still watching them after he cussed at _them_. R2 approved heartedly of Obi-Wan’s threats, cussing out the man some more for good measure.

They continued on before Obi-Wan answered, “Because he is a slaver, with a specialty in sex slaves. He’d eyed your father when he was a child, but didn’t approach then because he was clearly not alone and with an able-bodied freeman. He was eyeing you like he had Anakin.”

Obi-Wan chuckled then, though there was no amusement in it, “Between how pretty he was as a child, and my red hair, we had more than our fair share of kidnap attempts by slavers and the like. You learn to recognize the type after a while.”

Luke just stared at the older man, and R2 zapped him to keep him moving, cussing at the boy that he looked like easy prey and made himself fekking tempting to those bastards by doing bantha-shit like that. The boy eventually stumbled after them, trying to swat the shock-stick away.

R2 just cackled as the boy zapped himself.

He kept cackling as he ran over one ugly bastard’s feet, not even slowing as Obi-Wan had to placate the man about how there was a wire loose and they wanted to get that properly fixed, but no one Tatooine knew this model of droid well enough, and would he know where he could find discrete passage to a place like Alderaan where they could.

Then he spotted a Wookie, and loudly whistled, commenting to Luke about the ugly shag carpet.

Luke had gone so red he’d looked sunburnt, then hurriedly looking over to see if the Wookie had heard him, but R2 didn’t care about that detail.

He wheeled closer, cursing all the while about _sand_ , because the ugly fucker looked familiar.

He screamed and ran back to Obi-Wan, beeping rapidly.

_We fekking know that Wookie! OBI-WAN!!! It’s karking CHEWBACCA!_

Obi-Wan looked over from where he’d managed to send away the angry hume whose foot he’d run over only grumbling, the Kenobi charm just as sharp as ever, and brightened.

Then he’d grinned, and R2 knew he had a plan.

It was karking _good_ to be back in action.

**Author's Note:**

> C-3PO is walking with Obi-Wan, but is struggling to keep up due to SAND and Artoo is too busy causing mayhem to pay attention to his old friend.


End file.
